If we go to a maternity hospital or visit people who have recently had a newborn, and just look at him, we can safely assume that the baby does not yet have knowledge about himself at this age.
Such a phenomenon as self-esteem, for him at first simply does not exist.
“Which am I, good or bad?”…
A fair number of “advanced” readers, of course, know that this child is as good as any other. All children are good. But for a child, this truth is not a conviction if the parents did not take care of it.
An opinion about oneself arises in a child much later than in the neonatal period. And it consists of the reactions of adults to the child and his behavior, actions. From the reactions of mostly the closest people – mom and dad, people replacing them or significant ones.
Over time, the voice of mom and dad becomes an inner part of a person. In transactional analysis, it is called Parental. Further, a person does not realize that his opinion about himself is often not objective, but is based on how he perceived words, actions and deeds in relation to himself.
When a significant adult gets angry with a child, or, moreover, says something judgmental towards him, or shows aggression, what happens inside the child?
He gets scared, he feels bad. If this happens often, the consequences are sad. Self-esteem, the foundations of which are laid from infancy, suffers and acquires some stability in this version.
Parents ideally give the baby the opportunity to feel secure, loved, to live with confidence in the world, exploring it with curiosity. Parents for a child are, in a certain sense, the whole universe. His emotional state in childhood and how he will live on when he grows up depends largely on how his parents behave. His childhood relationships with significant adults, their perceptions become the foundation of self-esteem.
When the baby grows up and is sufficiently aware of the meaning of words, they acquire even more weight and work as if magically, programming him for this or that – for how he treats himself, among other things.
“You are the best!”,
“You will succeed!”,
“Think it’s a mistake. You will definitely make it!”
“You are very beautiful”,
“I’m proud of you!”,
“You clever!”,
“Wow, how strong you are!”
If a person with self-esteem is not very good, he is unlikely to I heard something similar when I was a kid.
Often the opposite is true. Many…
What about self-esteem then? Of course, it turns out to be quite low.
But not everything depends in this sense on significant adults from the family. There are others.
In addition, self-esteem is quite amenable to correction. Good news, right?
And even in children, in some cases and more likely later, starting most often from adolescence, there are chances to change their own opinion of themselves through contacts with others.
For example, a girl who was bullied by her mother, calling her a long-legged dylda or a tower, may suddenly find herself in a situation of having a huge number of admirers who admire her beauty, becoming a girl. And then the part of self-esteem related to appearance changes for the better.
Or, for example, a teenager who has fallen into some kind of company and performs certain actions, can suddenly find out for himself after some of them that he is respected by his peers. And then self-esteem also grows to some extent.
But such moments can hardly heal self-esteem completely, because its roots lie deep, some of their parts – in the very early childhood. In order to improve the situation, deep work is often needed.
It is quite affordable and, as practice shows, effective. I think many psychologists and psychotherapists will confirm this, because they have relevant experience.
Guess you have low self-esteem?
You have a chance to change everything for the better and make your life more comfortable, happy and joyful. It is worth making a decision and moving towards the goal.