family.

In the evening, when she is waiting for him to come home from work, but he is still not there, after feeding the children, she remains in the kitchen in front of the TV on and drinks tea with something sweet or simply puts everything that comes to hand edible into her mouth. It can be a cutlet with bread, or even with fried potatoes, a piece of sausage or cheese, again with bread, or something else that does not require long preparations and is always at hand.

Our exploration begins, as always, with sensations. What does Yulia feel when she is waiting for her husband? Jealousy, longing, insecurity yourself, fear of tomorrow, anxiety, anger and anger. Are there any sensations in the body? Yes. Unpleasant sucking sensation in chest. What happens after she eats something? This disgusting feeling from the chest disappears, and instead a pleasant warmth spreads in the stomach area.

That is, our task is to find a sufficiently strong alternative to the unbearable sensation in the chest, not related to food.

Julia loves music very much. She is когда-то хорошо пела. She has favorite bands. But lately she doesn't listen to them at all. Because the discs are in the room, and she could listen to them when she is busy in the kitchen. At the sounds of her favorite songs, she wants to dance, her whole body is filled with lightness and her mood rises. I ask Yulia to sing me one of those songs that she sang before. She has a nice deep voice. She is поет с закрытыми глазами, заметно наслаждаясь.

I ask her to describe the feeling of singing. This is flight, pleasure and, oddly enough, concentration. And the feeling when she hears her favorite music is a rise, tone, lightness in her legs, warmth in her chest, an involuntary smile on her face. I ask her to turn on her favorite song. And when this state comes, start singing along, and then snap your fingers to the rhythm. If you remember, this technique is called "anchoring".

Well, then everything happens according to the previous scheme. There is the first undesirable state, there is a desired resource state, and there is a trigger - a familiar image that includes a certain automatism, after which it is already difficult to stop. In our case, this is the open door of the refrigerator, and Julia, holding it open, examines the contents of the refrigerator, choosing what to profit from. If it came to an open door, then it is already unrealistic to stop.

So, I ask Julia to imagine the first picture. She is в затрапезном виде, открывает дверцу холодильника и вглядывается в его глубины: что там есть вкусного. The second picture is Yulia, smartly dressed and wearing make-up on stage with a microphone. Favorite music sounds.

And now, in the middle of the first picture, a dot appears - the germ of the second picture. She is начинает расти и заполняет собой всю первую картину, полностью ее перекрывая, в конце концов. And when this happens, Julia snaps her fingers several times, just as she did when she hummed her favorite song.

We repeat this exercise in the lesson 6 times, until it becomes completely it is difficult, almost impossible, to imagine oneself "at the refectory" in front of the refrigerator (that is, in the first undesirable state). The same exercise remains as homework.

The next time Julia comes to see me, snapping her fingers and humming her favorite tune has already been mastered by her as a powerful mood switch. Now we must make it a habit to prepare wholesome food and pack it in resealable bowls. Julia strongly resists this. She thinks that the food in the bowls will be stale, despite the fact that it can be stored in the refrigerator.

However, at the same time, she adds that she has neither time nor energy to cook fresh every time. It reminds me of the wonderful "game" described by Berne "Yes, but...." The essence of this game is that the player first complains about the problem, and when well-wishers offer him solutions, he dismisses these options with the words "yes, but this cannot be done for this and that reason." People who join the game feel like fools, and the player gets a bonus from the fact that he again circled everyone around his finger.

This is a game about attention, or rather about its lack, as well as about the lack of sympathy in the life of the player. It is clear that the player resorts to such manipulation absolutely unconsciously. Perhaps this is Yulina's reaction to the fact that I offer her quick solutions that do not affect the deep essence of her problems. But in terms of short-term therapy and her direct request for weight loss, we cannot solve them. I explain all this to her, and she promises to think about whether she needs my help in order to understand the causes of the troubles in her family life.

But at least the question of aversion to food from closed bowls is removed.

I talk about these cases in such detail in order to show that weight loss depends only on ourselves.

Two points are decisive in the problem of weight control: metabolism and the quantity and quality of food eaten.

Metabolism is influenced by deep, poorly realized scenario settings that arose in childhood and are related to our relationships with loved ones and the world as a whole. The amount of food taken, or rather the inability to eat right, play sports, is poorly controlled by simple volitional efforts, because it is also connected with our unconscious desires.

We can't comfortably exist in the absence of love, closeness and attention. Often we are ashamed to admit to ourselves what exactly we lack (for example, sex!).

In order to make life at least somewhat bearable, we resort to artificial doping, such as alcohol, tobacco, sugar. And then, the psychological dependence can be supplemented by the chemical one, and this masks our true problems even more.
Being overweight is always a relationship issue.

The study of the causes of excess weight, attitudes towards one's body, oneself and emotionally significant people often radically changes the metabolism, life and attitude of a person.

Losing weight, remember this!

Getting in touch with ourselves in order to understand what we really need is the only way it makes sense to go in order to make life happy and the body healthy.