How do we take on other people’s problems
Givenness 1. People often like to give, help, respond, respond, give advice.
There are people who have a big, beautiful, sympathetic, compassionate, sensitive heart. From the bottom of their hearts, they want to alleviate the suffering of the whole world, or at least all the people they meet on their way. It seems to such sympathetic people that if a person is given what he asks for or needs, then he (the person) will definitely become a little happier.
And such people, lacking sleep at night, not devoting time to their personal needs, try their best to make others at least a little happier. But, instead of gratitude, quite often they encounter the scenario of a fairy tale about a goldfish. The person to whom we have given a trough or a house, etc., begins to want more and continues to obsessively be in his unhappiness. But now he already demands that they give him a palace.
This happens only because, in fact, a person is not ready to accept, own, use correctly, etc. what they give him.
Givenness 2. There is enough of everything in the world and everyone can own as much as they are really ready on their way.
From the second given, it follows that the feelings that a person has – insufficiency, unhappiness, anxiety, anxiety, fear, and other suffering – are only mechanical tools of the Universe, pushing a person to grow up, learn, develop and find his own optimal and individual path.
Yes, it would certainly be wonderful if, even in childhood, our parents would teach us to be happy and understand well the reasons for our negative states. But only happy parents could teach this. And many of our parents never learned this main art – a happy life in harmony with themselves and with the world.
And we have to learn this on our own, overcoming the negative attitudes and states transmitted by our parents.
At the very beginning, the attachment of happiness to the possession of material goods is too great and, therefore, the idea of ​​happiness is projected onto the canvas of the possession of material values. Later, having passed a certain path, a person strives to desire something more sublime, and the idea of ​​happiness is projected onto the possession of certain spiritual experiences. But, neither in the one nor in the other is there a true genuine state of joy and happiness.
Therefore, by giving a person what he worries about or suffers, we deprive him of some of the important experiences and clashes with his real self. It would seem that by alleviating the acuteness of his needs and needs, we, in theory, make him happier. But in the end, in the general picture of the world, it turns out that the one who gave something untimely to another, gave without request, without a balanced exchange – violated the value of experiencing the state of this person.
Givenness 3. Someone who gives out of sympathy to another to ease “suffering” and wishes to make the other person happier does not really see or understand the value of the human condition.
And thus it becomes necessary to live the same state in order to understand its full value and stop “facilitating” such states in other people. I call this the compassion trap or misplaced compassion.
Those. absolutely out of good intentions to relieve the pain and suffering of another person, an action is performed that in another person develops greed, self-interest and a desire to receive without a true willingness to have, and provokes in the future to demand even more from the one who gave.
Thus, wrong giving, instead of feelings of love and gratitude, gives rise to people who are sure that they are not able to cope with their lives on their own.
Of course, compassion and giving of goods “just like that” sooner or later ends with the giver, and he finds himself in a situation where he can no longer sponsor the needy with his energy and gifts. The giver has a huge feeling of resentment towards others, a lack of strength for himself, a lack of material and other benefits that he distributed. Those. he finds himself in a situation in which, until recently, there was the one who asked.
The feeling of resentment in this case arises in order to block for some time the wrong flow of giving (love, energy, heart), since the person himself is not aware of the consequences of his actions. After all, the giver does everything from the brightest aspirations, but does not see the consequences.
The mechanism of resentment works to protect the giver from an unbalanced exchange of values, to teach the value of one’s own resource and a wise approach to giving. And the lack of energy and strength is just the consequences of an unbalanced, wrong relationship.
After some time, a person recovers, gets out of a deficit situation, again comes into balance and the heart opens again. At this point, the main thing is to understand the principles of compassion, or what compassion really is, and start respecting the state of people in which they arrive. It is important to learn harmonious balanced relationships with other people.
Balanced relationships are built on the principles of respect, value and harmonious exchange of tangible and intangible values. In the principles of exchange, it is not the quantity that is important, but the value and attention invested in what is being changed, as well as awareness, the willingness to give something of equal value on the other side.
About states.
1. Any state is correct and harmonious for the person who is in it.
2. No need to think, “how bad it would be for me in this state!” or “How would I deal with this situation?” This is pity, i.e. agreement that the person is indeed in an unfair situation. And this is no longer trust in a higher Law.
3. You can help:
If they ask, they ask, they turn.
Using skills to inspire or add clarity to the person who needs help, independently find a way out of their situation and take action, but do nothing for the person himself.
If the person who asked is ready to exchange for what he receives. The exchange may be tangible or intangible.
True compassion does not want to ease or change anything. True compassion comes from the wisdom and vision that help means only one thing – learn to be happy and live in harmony and balance with the world. And then by itself there will be a way to inspire others to be happy.
And instead of a conclusion.
You can and should help:
1. When they ask and are ready to really give something in order to get in return what is important and necessary.
2. When they begin to apply and use what they have received.
3. Inspire in time, tell the right story, help again with hope to look forward and look for a way out.
4. Teach some important, necessary and useful skills that will help a person cope with his situation in the future.