же the most questions. Record your answers and compare with yours. Call another, and another...

And you will see how differently we fantasize about the same people. How we complete the images of people from the same source data in different ways. And how we fall in love with the images of people. Or rather, in their fantasies about them.

Just like we say goodbye very often not to people, but to our fantasies about them.

For example, recently I was in training. When I was in therapy under the supervision of a supervisor, I constantly thought about what she thought about me, about my stories. After the session ended, I asked her, "You must be listening to me and think I'm stupid." She smiled and said, "You're saying goodbye to your fantasy."

So it was. I fantasized about who I am. I fantasized about what she is. I fantasized about our relationship.

The same thing happens with men.

Initially, we meet with a small part of man. And with the part that he is actively trying to demonstrate to us. If we fall in love quickly, then most likely we fell in love with our fantasy about him.

Why is love and infatuation so often separated? Often falling in love is our fantasies about ... Love is already a feeling that we have for a real person. But even then we can not always meet with another person. You can live your whole life with a man, but never know or accept his real.

Yes, what other person, you can never meet your real self in your whole life. With who you really are. And not the way you are comfortable or profitable to see others.

But if these are all fantasies, then why does it sometimes hurt to part with them? Why is it so difficult to let go of a person, even when you understand that he is not like that, that he does not meet your expectations?

There are several reasons.

First, fantasy is part of you. And a very bright part. Our fantasies always richer than reality.

Second. Even with fantasy there is a future. And if something is known, then it is less scary.

And third. Sometimes we want love so much and we want to love so much that just admitting to ourselves another defeat or mistake hurts. Not to mention the opinions of others.

How it works?

Experiment
Write your associations to the words:

1. Delicious

2. A delicious dessert is

3. A delicious dessert is ice cream with

4. A delicious dessert is ice cream with potatoes and

5. A delicious dessert is ice cream with potatoes and mustard.

At what figure did your fantasy turn on as much as possible?

At what stage did you become completely uninterested?

And at what stage did you feel indignation, disgust, bewilderment?

On what question did you despair and realized that it was not tasty for you?

And are there those who have decided that maybe potatoes and mustard are not potatoes and mustard at all, but chocolate and maple syrup. So what, what does it taste and color - is it exactly potatoes with mustard?

In my courses, I always tell women: "In no case do not deprive men of fantasy."

But do not fantasize about men too much. Listen and hear what a man says about himself. This is a real man, a real person!

But ... our passion for beauty and our desire to love and be loved very often brings us into fantasies, which are then so difficult to say goodbye.

History from life
One of my clients, Natalya, met an attractive man. He was young and promising. By his 30s, he had earned himself a good apartment. The man was terribly worried that he might be loved not for his deep soul, but for his prospects, so he did not tell much about himself. And Natalya could not believe that he had spent all the savings that he had on an apartment.

She was convinced that he had a large sum of money, which was hidden from prying eyes. And as soon as he realizes that she is the woman of his dreams, the casket will open and they will drown in wealth.

She lived either with him or with her fantasy. She had not heard of his temporary financial difficulties. For her, it was "dust in the eye."

When she married him, it became obvious that her fantasy of a millionaire husband was a utopia. It was extremely difficult for her to face such realities, and until the last she tried to avoid them.

When the meeting took place, Natalya experienced wild disappointment and anger. They could not live together. Reality was too harsh for her. And to accept that her husband is not a secret millionaire, she could not.

And the question is: who was Natasha in love with and did she notice a real person behind her imagination?

I see many such women. Women who can never meet the man they live with. With a real man. I've seen a lot of couples who "turn sour" in relationships with each other, because they can't be real there, and we get very tired of masks.

And what is the result?

They torture themselves and torture their companion, demanding that they match their idea of ​​an ideal dessert, not realizing at all that it is ice cream with potatoes and mustard!

Then there is another stage, which is more difficult than the previous one! Much harder! Acceptance stage. Accept that she doesn't like ice cream or potatoes or mustard! After all, to accept this is to admit to herself and the whole world that she made a mistake when choosing a man. And sometimes it hurts so much.

Important!
This is a big problem! We enter into a relationship with a fantasy about a person. But in the family we come across a real person. He really turns out to be Vitalik, not Sasha ...

I am of this opinion: it is better to look at a man for a longer time, to watch him. Do not rush to put your toothbrushes in one glass, otherwise you can hate this glass, which has chained your brushes.

Revelations of men about themselves, or
What to look out for
The men are alive. They are people. With your fears. Expectations. complexes and fantasies. The fantasies of men are not as fast and stormy as those of women.

It is difficult to meet a man who, after the first date, fantasizes about joint children, blankets and the fact that you will live with the whole family in his new house is difficult.

But to meet such a woman is easy.

Every second young lady is ready on the same day to start realizing everything as she imagined, taking the elevator home after a date with a gentleman she has known for several hours. That is why, when a man does not call the next day, this is a month-long drama for most ladies. After all, everything was so wonderful in “my head”! Why did he leave?

Women, behind their burning desire to be in a pair, completely stop seeing a real person. Although the real person is visible from the first meetings.

Exercise
Imagine, what a man says about his failed relationship. The women were hysterical every now and then. And one wife is hysterical. And the second. They woke him up at night, staged scenes of jealousy and kicked him out of the house at night. The man is sincerely perplexed why this happened, and he attributes everything to female unbridledness.

What conclusions will you draw from this? (Choose an option.)

1. How unlucky the sweetheart is with women! This is how it should be!

2. Yes! All women are hysterical! It's natural!

3. He did something bad, for which he was kicked out!

4. Poor! Good thing I'm not!

Thanks to an experiment I did not too long ago, most women felt sorry for the man. They willingly made contact with him and tried in every possible way to prove that they are calm and peaceful young ladies who are not even familiar with the word “hysteria”.

The rest were inclined to believe that he was simply unlucky with women.

At the same time, they did not take into account at all the fact that both wives were hysterical and that the man, in fact, did not understand what caused such behavior in his wives.

The thought that "I'm not like that", the power of competition and the desire to be in a relationship made a woman turn on and fantasize about the best image of a man.

When I was 23 years old, I already understood a lot about men. But I also met the same instance. He also told me that his wife is a true hysteric, that it is impossible to live with her and she arranges such scenes that the neighbors tremble.

But I'm not like that. I was good!

By the way, his mother also often called and made scenes. He spoke to her sharply and hung up the phone in annoyance.

But I wasn't like that. I was good.

I listened to all this. Nodding. I believed, but I watched.

Our romance lasted quite a long time. I've been good for a long time. What is important - NOT hysterical! I really did not want to become like his mother, wife and a couple of fleeting girls.

A year later, when our love flowed into life, and life went back to normal, “calls” began to come.

My faithful in some miraculous way began to provoke me into scandals. Me!!! A man who was taught to scandal in childhood! I have a pathological fear of tantrums!

He studied my weaknesses well and technically put pressure on them. He pressed exactly until the moment when it became unbearable to endure, and I exploded. Tears. Quarreling.