this ability to be constantly aware of the luck that has been sent down to them, it is this gratitude to fate for the opportunity to enjoy the blessings of life that guarantees that life for them will never lose its value, attractiveness and novelty.

Recently, a lot has been said and written about the fact that it is worth thanking fate, the Universe, God for everything that we have. It's really весьма полезно для улучшения эмоционального состояния и успешности вообще. However, it is equally important to praise and thank not abstract forces, but a concrete person who lives side by side with us. And you need to do it correctly.

It would seem that what is easier is to thank a man for a great evening, to praise him for his ability to earn money or a subtle sense of humor. However, the women who attend my seminars are often genuinely surprised that this is even necessary! The money earned by the husband is taken for granted, the bouquet of flowers no longer arouses delight, and the reaction to the compliment leaves the feeling that a bland banality, or even rudeness, sounded towards the woman.

В данной главе я предлагаю тебе детально разобраться с волшебной эмоцией благодарности: чем она тебе может быть полезна, как ее правильно проживать и выражать в поведении и почему она так важна для построения теплых и радостных relations.

Daily Expression of Gratitude Helps Strengthen Relationships
During my work as a family therapist, I have observed a large number of couples who were in a satisfying and stable relationship for both partners. The main conclusion from this observation, which I can responsibly voice in the book, is the following: a change in the quality of relationships is directly related to the feeling of gratitude of one of the partners, most often the woman! This effect has been observed by me for many months and even years.

The daily expression of gratitude serves as an important support mechanism in close relationships, its action can be compared with the effect of vaccination - immunity to dangerous psychological factors is developed. The emotional response of a woman is always and unconditionally useful - both for unstable relationships and in a situation where people already have strong and satisfying relationships. Even small but constant gratitude has a lasting effect, enhancing the feeling of intimacy.

The gratitude that a woman is simply experiencing at the moment triggers a cascade of reciprocal feelings in a man that changes his perception and increases his motivation to give. Therefore, if you want to receive gifts from your man, simply, without criticism and introspection, start the emotion of gratitude in your soul, the rest will happen by itself!

Problems in relationships begin to accumulate when the “thank you” leaves them.
It happens that after a few years of marriage, spouses take each other for granted. None of them, despite all the quarrels and conflicts, does not even think that you can lose this person. As a result - a dismissive attitude, lack of due respect, a gap.

On the eve of a breakup, a woman or man may ask themselves: what went wrong when it started? It all started when the couple stopped thanking each other. Just think: just one little "thank you", said with or without a reason (it doesn't matter), can save hundreds and thousands of marriages from collapse!

There is one interesting regularity in human psychology: the constant stimulus for him ceases to be realized. In relation to the relationship between a man and a woman, this means that the habit deprives the partner of its former attractiveness, and its strengths and pleasing deeds “fade” and do not cause the former delight. It is at this moment that you need to start sounding the alarm! In order not to lose a relationship, by an effort of will, you need to develop the habit of gratitude to your partner, even for his seemingly banal actions.

I call this "conscious gratitude." It underlies harmonious family relationships that never fade. When a woman stops taking the man next to her for granted and begins to thank him more often, respect and understanding return to marriage.

"He must" is dangerous delusion
Due to his strange psychology, a man considers himself to be a proper person only when he has borrowed something. Take out a bank loan or rent a car. In extreme cases, he gave his word (and even then not always). Everything else, especially in relations with a woman, is built on the principle of “I want”. The key word is "I" and the key word is "want". Здесь работает очень простой психологический закон, который можно сформулировать так: даже если мне чего-то очень сильно хочется, но у меня нет выбора, то мне этого уже не I want to.

Or you want less... In any case, any lack of freedom partially or completely kills desire, poisons him with the impossibility of making his own choice, making his own and only his own decision.

The following logical principle follows from the foregoing: if a man does not do something for you, he simply does not want it! There is no motivation. There is no incentive. And I will not tire of repeating that the only incentive for his actions is your gratitude!

In support of these theses, I will cite the story of one of my acquaintances. She and her man have been together for more than three years. This is a beautiful married couple. In the first months of their relationship, it seemed to me that he was ready to move mountains for her. The man gave a lot of flowers, said compliments and believed that she was the best. But time passed, and the woman said that the flowers had disappeared somewhere, and she had already forgotten the last time she heard compliments from him. Complaints, complaints, complaints.

The reason for this problem is quite banal: after the wedding, the main leitmotif of her behavior towards her husband was reduced to the formula "you must!". Married - answer. Gotcha, bastard, sit down and don't chirp! This position gave her the moral right to ignore what he was doing for her. “He cooks so deliciously for you, you almost don’t know what it’s like to approach the stove! Do you appreciate? - "So what? He must!" “Did you appreciate flowers? Was she happy when he gave them to you? “Why should I be happy with them? The husband is for that and the husband to give flowers.

Such a life, with a minimum of gratitude to her husband, is a road to nowhere. This is a very big danger for the relationship! If a man always owes something, a woman ceases to appreciate what he does. The circle closes, and he, in turn, stops doing it at all.

Hula or praise?
Gratitude in family relationships is not only an indicator of respect and love for each other, but also strengthening friendship. between spouses beginning. Однако самое большое delusion современных женщин, это, как ни странно, страх мужчину перехвалить. The reasoning here is approximately the following: "A man without a whip will relax, he must always be in good shape." This erroneous thought inevitably leads to the loss of relationships, except in cases where the man, due to the nature of his character, is a masochist.

In general, people today are extremely rarely concerned with the task of acquiring the habit of praise and thanksgiving. Due to their pessimism, they underestimate the power of positive reinforcement and often live by the principle: "It's better to have a smart blasphemy than a stupid praise." With "blasphemy" and inept criticism in the modern world, unfortunately, everything is in order. Inept - because few of us think about how to constructively criticize a person so that it does not bring harm. We immediately get personal, we try to hit harder. But we prefer to skip the praise so as not to “overpraise” (by the way, this is a very common belief, and one of the most dangerous, in the field of raising children).

Before criticizing your men (children), I suggest you, my dear reader, learn to praise and thank them! The practical tasks at the end of the chapter will help you make this really important competence your natural essence in a structured and competent way. In the meantime, let's deal with the question, what do we need more - negative or positive?

Stick or carrot - the eternal dilemma
If we greatly simplify the theory of motivation, we can say that we are stimulated either by the "stick" - the fear of something bad, or the "carrot" - the desire for something good. There are no people in the world who have only one of these types of motivation. Which one is more effective in controlling the behavior of the masses, we can easily understand by turning on the TV. There, the proportion of negative / positive, derived by professional psychotechnologists, is approximately 80 to 20 as a percentage. That is, it is easier to attract the attention of a person and manipulate him when he is afraid. It's really так, потому что у каждого из нас есть инстинкт самосохранения – биологический механизм, работающий на избегание опасности. It takes precedence over all other mental processes. On the other hand, we all want to get the most out of life. This is the same gingerbread that is usually shown in television ads under the guise of solving a problem. The same problem that scared a person at the beginning.

Both motives - positive and negative - are represented in our psyche. But the proportions of the influence of each of these forces vary from person to person.