goes to the bathroom. For most of us, going to the hairdresser is a holiday. We time it to the holidays, some special events, when a new hairstyle would be especially appropriate.

Maybe that's why we are perplexed - why do they react to the news of a divorce, as we do to the news of marriage? Why are they preparing for a divorce like a birthday? On свободу – как на праздник? Were they just waiting for this? AND просто не могут сдержать своих сильных радостных чувств?

«ANDногда борода – это просто борода», – ответил мне мой коллега. «ANDногда сигара – это просто сигара», – говорил Фрейд. But we know this man's trick - to turn everything upside down. Because we use it all the time.

In addition to the fact that a man wants to save face and at least outwardly not look like a complete idiot (and who is he if even his wife leaves him? Who is supposed to endure to the end), he saves his male self-esteem. When a woman leaves a man, she hopes to understand that this is not at all because he is too bad or too good, she just does not love him anymore. AND все. She loves someone else. This other one is maybe a hundred times worse - he has a beer belly, he is fifteen years older than the previous chosen one, and he has zero point zero tenths in the bank account. But for some reason, love pointed to this type. AND The woman dedicates the next part of her life to him. Is it incomprehensible?

Such a simple and natural logic is just incomprehensible to a man. The first thing he thinks when he's told he's leaving is...

You think that he will throw up his hands and scream: “God, now I will never see this magnificent, rarest woman!” or “I'm a total idiot. Brought his wife to the point where she decided to leave”? Yep, no matter how!

First of all, he will think that his wife underestimated him in bed: “I pleased her, and here is my gratitude for the work, for the constant, seven days a week, stress and monotonous unrequited work!”

Gathering his courage, at the risk of getting an unpleasant answer, the retired husband will ask: “What did you lack?”, referring to satisfaction with marriage, that is, with sex. Because a man is ready to endure any marriage if he gets good sex as compensation. Such an exchange seems reasonable to most men.

AND что женщины отвечают в таких случаях? First of all, they roll out a list carefully compiled in preparation for a divorce. In this list, as a rule: 1) the husband's low salary; 2) an unpleasant scene that the husband arranged at a party; 3) a strange compliment made on her birthday; 4) an unpurchased mink coat (to be honest, each of us could have a mink coat in the first place and generally remove all tension around the divorce situation, and the divorce itself. But it’s too easy - to directly tell him a way out!); 5) children with whom he does not attend. AND далее… Всего десять пунктов.

Having run his eyes over such a list, the retired husband will most likely tear it into small pieces - there is nothing interesting for him, and therefore essential. "It's clear. You just went crazy. ANDли решила помаяться дурью, как все твои сумасшедшие подруги». AND, успокоившись, пойдет в парикмахерскую. Refresh the look a bit. Been planning for a long time...

But this is not the last reason to go to the barber in a divorce situation.

In fact, this is a protest reaction against violence against one's self. Divorce is always violence, if not a mockery of disinterested persons. Shaving their heads or building a crest on their heads, men protest. "Go to hell, all of you!" they say to public opinion, which, as they correctly guess, will gladly discuss both the details and the reasons for the divorce. “Yes, I didn’t care about your desires, dear!” - tells you husband, candidate for exit. “I'm not going to follow your instructions at all. You want to get divorced - please! And I went to the hairdresser. Do you live how you want? Well, don't be surprised. I will do whatever comes to my mind. AND на голову…»

Going to the hairdresser is akin to an ancient ritual of reincarnation on the eve of grandiose changes - initiation, hunting, recovery. Changing his appearance, the man, as it were, changes clothes so that they do not recognize him. I'm not me, the house is not mine. An ancient technique used by the American Indians. AND не только. The trick with dressing up is an ancient ritual of reincarnation into another person, more successful and invulnerable. By drastically changing his appearance, a man intuitively or consciously wants to make a very strong impression, to influence either circumstances (public opinion, colleagues, family friends), or his potential enemy (the wife of a possible rival).

ANDтак, направляясь к визажисту, стилисту или к парикмахеру, мужчина совершает символическое бегство от неприятностей и готовится к новому этапу жизни, который, как он рассчитывает, будет более удачным.

External transformation concerns, of course, not only hairstyles. A man can really begin to actively care for himself, simply by returning to the time of courting his wife, to a time when everything was fine and promised only happiness. “We were happy, remember. You loved me, I know that for sure. It is worth remembering. See, I'm handsome and young again. As you like…"

The husband can also recall his wife's former reproaches of untidiness. Believe me, men are not at all such pigs as some wives think. Onчиная с того момента, как ему будет брошена черная метка, муж переберет в голове все женские упреки и претензии, пытаясь понять, какая из них была самой серьезной и оказалась роковой. A man fixes his eyes on appearance, because he thinks something like this: “My wife takes care of herself all the time, spends a lot of time at the mirror, which means that most likely she does not like what she sees. Well, you can get better."

Onконец, муж может пойти на кардиальные изменения. The more serious the threat of divorce, the more radical the change. Onчнет бегать по утрам, сменит гардероб, отправится в путешествие. You will be shocked: everything you have been asking him for all these years has come into play. Did you want to dance with him? Please, he signed up for dancing and already dancing salsa. Have you been waiting for him to defend his dissertation? Ten years down the drain. It turned out that it was necessary to wait only three months for him to enter the department with a decisive report. The longer you wave your hand to him, the more actively he develops.

But he does this no longer to please you, but simply uses tips on how to develop and live on. After all, when you announced the divorce to him, he was confused, and all he had were the skills that he acquired in marriage with you. He fights for himself, his reputation, his pride alone, but with your methods.

ANDтак, у мужчины как минимум шесть причин сходить в парикмахерскую, как только ему объявят о разводе.

The first is to come to your senses and give yourself a more confident look.

The second is to protest against violence against one's personality.

The third is to change the image in order to become invulnerable to the usual circumstances.

The fourth is to demonstrate to everyone your independence and confidence in the future. Oh, and piss off your wife.

Fifth - to please the wife, and also to remind her of the best, romantic period in their relationship, the period of courtship.

The sixth is from confusion, following clues from past marital experiences.

The debut of divorce: men and women
The peculiarity of male logic is that it is not interested in the nuances of relationships between people, it is aimed at specific goals.

Public morality, reputation, opinions of colleagues are considered by a man as concomitant circumstances that can be overcome in a variety of ways - to ignore, negotiate, destroy. The end is important, not the means. It is important to win the war, not a dozen battles. Success is never blamed. A conquered country can be restored. The old territory can be rented out for the sake of a new one - more attractive and promising.

From the point of view of female consciousness, such behavior is unheard of cynicism. A woman, even if she files for divorce herself, seeing no other way out, checks the words that she will say to him, his relatives, and people in general a hundred times. She will seek moral justification for her destructive behavior. AND такие мотивы, как «ради ребенка», «ради сохранения репутации семьи», будут для нее не менее важными, чем «ради своего собственного счастья». Moreover, women think so much about the external, public side of the matter that they themselves begin to believe that they personal life and actions were entirely dictated by a high purpose and a special female mission - to suffer for others.

Men's behavior is characterized by impudent directness, women's - confused morality. It is difficult for a woman to believe that her opinions, her desires and needs are ignored after they cease to be shared with her husband. After all, she remembers him now, after the break. She remembers that he likes to eat, what size of clothes and shoes he has, when is his birthday. Immediately after a divorce, a woman can do ridiculous things, for example, buy clothes for her ex-husband (sweater, socks, shirts, underwear) and bring all