whether it's "two friends fucking" or a serious romantic relationship. Better find a man in your city who will be blown away by your wise speeches and model appearance.

I hate to tell you this, but an excuse like "I don't want to ruin our friendship" doesn't stand up to scrutiny. At first glance, it seems very reasonable. "Sex can ruin friendships." Unfortunately, throughout the history of mankind, this excuse has never been used by those who really meant it. If we really care about a woman, we can't bring ourselves to stop - we want more. And please don't tell me he's just 'afraid'. The only thing he is afraid of - and I say this, feeling sincere sympathy for you - is to admit that you do not attract him at all.

Excuse like "Maybe he's hesitant to make the first move"
Dear Greg!

I'm crazy about my gardener. He plants flowers in my patio. It was hot and he took off his shirt while he was working. He seemed to me such a hot guy that now I'm all inflamed at the thought of him. He brought beer and we sat and talked. I think he wants to ask me out on a date, but he doesn't dare because he works for me. Can I myself invite him somewhere under such circumstances?

Cheri

From Greg's archives:

Dear Lady Secret Garden!

He himself can invite you. Have you never watched porn? I hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, since your feelings were not conveyed to him while drinking beer in the garden, it is not at all because you are a strict employer for him. It's time to stop and face the truth: he just didn't hit on you.

Let me reiterate: despite the rules against sexual harassment and the practice of memos to the boss about it, a man will ask a woman who is higher in the social ladder if he really likes her. I admit that you may need to show him more favor than usual. You can hint to Joe and the ni-courier or Philip the flayer that you have a liking for him, but you should not help him ask you out on a date. I repeat again, dear ladies: the fact that you smile and playfully wink at him will be quite enough.

By the way, why are you dating a flayer?

Joke, he's a good guy.

Excuse like "Maybe he doesn't want to rush things"
Dear Greg!

One guy keeps calling me. He's recently divorced and is in Alcoholics Anonymous, and we've been talking more lately; called each other and then met twice in one week. And it was really great. There was no flirting, no sex, nothing like that, just fun. Since then, he has been calling all the time, but doesn't even try to invite me to see you again. Like he was scared or something. And I would be sympathetic to the fact that because of all this mess with divorce / alcoholism / starting a new life, he does not want to rush to build a new relationship. But he constantly calls me, pouring his heart out on the phone for hours. What the hell am I supposed to do with this guy?

Jen

From Greg's archives:

Dear Heartfelt Conversation!

Unfortunately, the reluctance to meet is an insurmountable obstacle to a romantic relationship. As for the newly divorced/re-sobered/restarted young man, he makes me sleepy. It's getting hot, I'm going to take a nap. And when I wake up, I will be surprised to learn that your friend has finally adjusted his life. You will still sit by the phone waiting for an invitation to a date, because, despite all the excuses that you find for him, he will not be going to invite you. So, if you are one of those who are satisfied with a completely tolerable telephone romance, then enjoy heart-to-heart conversations further! But today it seems that he is not so interested in you. Be his friend if that's what you're interested in, but as far as love relationships go, look for a more suitable candidate for a future spouse.

If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he does not want to rush things, he will immediately tell you about it. He will not leave you in the dark, as he needs confidence that you will not be disappointed and will not disappear from his life.

Excuse like "But he gave me his phone number"
Dear Greg!

This week I met a very nice guy in a bar. He left me his number and asked me to call him one day. I thought it was great that in this way he gave me the opportunity to take the initiative in my own hands. Can I call him?

Lauren

From Greg's archives:

Dear Lady Strict Commander!

Did he give you the opportunity to take control of the situation or put an unbearable burden on you? In fact, he showed you an old tried trick that always works. It seems to you that he gave you the opportunity to take the initiative, but in reality he will decide whether he wants to meet with you or make return call. Why don't you take a piece of paper with the number of this Copperfield, wrap it in newspaper, roll it up, pour milk into it and find that the cherished numbers have disappeared?

“Call me”, “Send me an e-mail”, “Tell Joey that we need to meet all together sometime.” Don't let him use cheap tricks to get you to ask him out on a date. If you are interested in a man, he will take care of everything. I know it sounds a bit old fashioned, but when a man likes a woman, he asks her out.

Excuse like "Maybe he forgot about me"
Dear Greg

So, Greg ... I'm telling you: I was at a conference and met a guy from another branch of our company. We immediately felt mutual sympathy. And I swear he almost asked me for my phone number when the infamous 2003 power outage happened. In all this confusion, I never gave him my number. I think the 2003 accident isn't such a bad excuse to call him herself, is it? It would be a simple act of common courtesy to ask how he was doing, right? If I don't call, he might get upset and think I didn't like him that much.

Judy

From Greg's archives:

Дорогая Аварийная Judy!

The whole city was off. But he doesn't. You said that you work in different branches of the same company. Of course, since then he has not had a free moment to find you in the list of employees of the company or in the database of email addresses. If he were not as resourceful as you, then I think he could ask his mother, sister or girlfriend for advice, if you really interested him.

P.S. Shame on you to use an accident on the east coast as an excuse to call a man!

Be sure you impress him. Now leave everything as it is. If he likes you, he will remember you even after the tsunami, the flood, or the defeat of Red Juice in the next match. If he forgot about you, do not waste time on him. Do you know why? Because you are great. (Hey, just don't turn up your nose.)

Excuses like "Maybe I don't want to deceive anyone"
Dear Greg

It's just stupid. I know girls shouldn't call young people, but I always call the guys myself because I don't care. I don't want to deceive anyone. I do what I want! I called the guys a thousand times. You're such a bore, Greg. Why do you think women shouldn't call men and ask them out on dates?

Nikki

From Greg's archives:

Дорогая Nikki!

I think so because men don't like it. Okay, maybe some guys are fine with that, but then they're just lazy. Who wants to date a lazy guy? It's so obvious. Не я придумал такие правила и в чем-то даже могу с ними не соглашаться, и не надо злиться на меня, Nikki. I am not in favor of women behaving like they did in the Stone Age. You probably need to learn to look at things soberly and consider whether you are able to change the primitive instincts that still control people.

Although, maybe it is you who is destined to complete this mission.

Men, for the most part, enjoy chasing women. We like it when we don't know if we'll catch a bird in the net or not. And we feel deep satisfaction when it succeeds. Especially if the hunt was long. We know that there has been a sexual revolution in the world. (And we really liked it.) We know that women can run a state, head international organizations, and manage to raise good children at the same time. But this, however, does not change the nature of men.

IT IS SO SIMPLE
Now imagine that I am jumping on both legs and shaking my fist at heaven. I fall on my knees and beg you, saying the following words very loudly and clearly: “Please absorb at least one of everything that I write in the pages of this book. When dealing with men, accept them as they are, not as you would like them to be.” I know this idea may seem outrageous to you: men like to hunt, and you should let them hunt you. I know it's insulting, it's disgusting. And yet it's true. I firmly believe that if you have to take action, stalk your partner, ask him out nine times out of ten, then he probably doesn't like you that much. (But