Raising kittens. Elena Mikhailovna Filippova

“If a person could be crossed with a cat, the person would only benefit from this. What can not be said about a cat.
Mark Twain

cat script
Every kitten knows: a person needs to be lured. Imperceptibly lure so as not to be frightened. Every kitten knows: a man is cowardly, he barely makes his legs. According to the feline scenario, you need to look at a person. Look at it in a special way. Sweet. And make the muzzle appropriate. Sugary, like a candy box. The man loves it. He's not very smart. But it is extremely emotional. This is where the eyes are key. The more expressive, the more true. It doesn't matter where the kitten is at a given moment of time - on an expensive fur coat or in a dirty garbage dump. The main thing: to make eyes, an impulse, that is, to send in the right direction. The kind that won't last.
And here you are walking about your business, enjoying life and suddenly - two huge eyes. The eyes are huge, and the kitten is small. The basic law of seduction: fragile disequilibrium. Big eyes on a little kitten. Eyes are like locators - where a person goes, they go there. The look is directed, unblinking, wet. How can you get past those eyes? You won't get through. The eyes speak clearly: stop, car, stop. Further, according to the cat's scenario, it is not so difficult: you look at it, it looks at you. The object is hooked.

You are my god, the eyes tell honestly. I'll be lost without you. You, only you, no one but you. Hold out the pen. Come on, be bold! Pull whoever they say! Like this, like this! Closer, even closer!
Oops! Here it is! Stroke me. Stroke, stroke! Ah, what a miracle! How good! There is nothing in the world but your fingers! Moore! Moore! Murrr!

All. Think you are lost. They fell into a fur trap. This trap of all traps is a trap. Soft so you won't break out. For-in-ra-zhi-va-ying! Don't notice the trap? Don't notice, don't notice! Everything is correct! That's how it's supposed to be in the script. You now, mur, make a choice, mur, the most important and right choice. Hey, who's in there with their meows? Everyone - shut up! I say mau! I! I! I! Everything is fine. Everything is fine. It will get even better soon. You're better, I'm better. I will definitely get better!

- What a cutie! Do you want hands?

— Mr! Mr! Mrrrrrrrrr!

Two of you will come home.

Congratulations, you just lost your freedom. What is freedom? Who needs her? Here it is - fur grace, the embodiment of the ideal! This is my choice, mine, mine, you whisper yourself. Mr? Is it true? Nothing, nothing, it's me, it's your choice! I need you for a sacred mission! What is the mission? How in what? Your mission is my well-being, isn't it clear? Everything is going according to the right scenario. How do you people say? Love to the grave and to live happily and die on the same day? Exactly! For this very mission. Fifteen years for sure. Mr! Don't worry, I'll educate you, you won't notice how I educate you. You will ooze love like a pineapple. You are now saying that you won't. You will. The writers are not wrong.

“Shut up,” you coo over the silky lump.

The lump blinks blissfully, freezes, opens its eyes wide and makes you wet.

Well, isn't it adorable?!

“It’s time for the baby to sleep,” say in a falsely sweet voice, “now the baby will go to the house bye-bye ...

It wasn't there!

As soon as you try to put the baby in a box, she immediately signals her Morse code, like a satellite in orbit: pee-pee-pee-pee-pee...

Is it possible to put something so small and woolen into a box? You can't, of course.

You stroke your purr and sing a lullaby.

Mrrr! Be educated, two-legged, educate yourself, get used to both sleepless nights and lullabies. You think you brought the fur muff? No matter how! Not a muff! Mr? Ah, I'm talking about mine, about the cat. You are big, you are strong, you are omnipotent! You are my cat god! You are my cat slave! God, God, it's me half-talking in my sleep. And don't forget to kiss your nose too. Already is better. This is very nice. You can also sleep.

- My bird, my fish, my bunny, - you say in the morning, - mommy needs to work.

No matter how! Work! Other things, then, to do? I have to deal with me! I am your job! And care! Where is my big bowl? Big, I say! Large - it is also large in Africa. And this? This one is ma-unkaya! I want a big one! And then - on your knees, together - we will murmur. We sleep, we eat, we play. We sleep, we eat, we play. Phew, but why complain to the wall? You yourself like it! I see it in my eyes: a complete waste. Just wait, I’ll gain strength, grow up, we’ll spin such a movie! It doesn't seem like much! Have fun - everyone! Our script is the most scenic in the world! What stopped? Smooth surface! Lick you in the nose?

- Meow-meow-meow - sad, sad, sad ...

Now, my joy, now! Caress the belly, scratch the ear?

- Meow-meow-meow - bad, bad, bad ...

Now, sunshine mine now! Sing a song, hold it in your arms?

- M-m-a-ow!

And we are claws and on the handles of this and more painful!

Cat god? No matter how! Cat slave! Know your place, slave, slave, slave! Tremble! Tremble! Do as My Furry Majesty commands!

“No, this will not happen to me,” you are sure.

Really so sure.

Everyone who raised the Wrong Cat also thought they were raising an angel.

At one time, when I advised the owners on the feline issue, in second place after “how can we attach kittens”, was “what should we do with him (her) next.”

Heartbreaking phone call:

— Save! Help! We can’t cope with the cat in any way ... It bites, scratches, crap ...

- How long have you had her?

- Yes, with a kitten!

N-yes ... What can I say!

Of course, there are completely defective cats, but more often there are defective owners. Under their direct guidance, such uncontrollable individuals grow up.

- Did you raise the kitten correctly?

- Do you need to educate him?

People are strange creatures. For some reason, some believe that since cats obey instincts, they themselves will learn everything. Others - that teach do not teach, nothing will come of it. Still others - that you need to teach an already understanding cat, that is, clearly not a kitten. Fourth - it’s embarrassing to even mention these, they are looking for a switch button or a remote control from a cat. They don't find it, of course. And it would be strange if found. Most unfortunate owners make a titanic effort to grow the devil knows what out of a cute, gullible animal. And then all their flaws in upbringing are blamed on the cat. And she's dumb. And vicious. And vengeful. And unclean. You can't live under the same roof with her. Take away, take away, please, deliver us from what we ourselves have grown! Give us another cat that is affectionate, smart, clean and responsive.

Oh oh oh!

There are no bad cats, no. There are unreasonable owners.

Do you want the cat to "sit on your head"? There is nothing easier, sit down. And he will show his claws. Eka is unseen! You only dance around the cat from the very moment it enters your house. Just a little - thump on your knees and push tidbits to the cat's nose. Lead a kneeling lifestyle before Her Feline Majesty and you will definitely achieve results.

You do not want?

Then read this book attentively.

Don't know how to handle a cat? Learn. It's not that hard science. Time, however, requires attention.

Don't want to burden yourself with chores? Then write away. Let everything take its course - you will have an uncontrollable cat. Maybe she has instincts. But not at all what you expect. So-not at all!

So choose how to live with a cat. Either spend time, but then gain agreement and mutual understanding, or do not waste time, but rake in plenty of headaches.

The upbringing of a cat begins from the moment when she crosses the threshold of your house, that is, from a kitten. My book is just about kittens. More specifically, what should and should not be done with them. A kind of instruction for handling a live interactive learning system called a kitten. If the instructions are followed, then a normal cat will grow up. And if you don't do it, the devil knows what will grow.

All adult cats and cats were once kittens. All kittens will someday become adult cats and cats. All kittens are good, but they need to be understood, they need to be loved, they need to be brought up little by little. Do you want to raise a good cat with whom you will live happily until the end of her days? Start education from the beginning of her days!

Chapter 1.
Looking for a good kitten
Why does a person need a cat
What do you mean why? For complete happiness! When you come home from work, take the cat across your stomach, plop down on the sofa - and get complete relaxation and distraction from daytime worries. No longing for your free time lost in the service, no memories of bossy shouts, no torment about failed sexual intercourse - a